Where Hope is Built

My Hope is Built on Nothing Less

written by Edward Mote (1797-1874)

My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;

I dare not trust the sweetest frame,

But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

When darkness seems to veil His face,I rest on His unchanging grace;In every high and stormy galeMy anchor holds within the veil.

His oath His covenant and bloodSupport me in the ‘whelming flood:When all around my soul gives way,He then is all my hope and stay.

On Christ the solid rock I stand;All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand.

When the last trumpet’s voice shall sound,O may I then in him be found.Clothed in his righteousness alone,Faultless to stand before his throne.

Sandy has received the same combination of chemo drugs since November 2015. Besides some issues with neuropathy and not sleeping well, she's done relatively well with the treatment.  While I'm not minimizing those side effects, we've known all along they could be much worse.

Every two weeks, except during those unexpected hospital stays, Sandy has received 120 minutes of one chemo drug at the Cancer Center, as well as another chemo drug via the super-fun and not-at-all-annoying pump for approximately 48 hours. On June 16, about 100 minutes into the two-hour infusion, she started the precursor to a full anaphylactic reaction.  Chemo was abruptly stopped and she was given three medications to counteract the reaction. Everything was fine.  ("Fine," by the way, is such a relative term these days!)

On July 7, the same thing happened, except after only about 20 minutes into the two-hour infusion.  Both times, she was still sent home with the other chemo drugs in the pump.  The "only" reaction to the pump is that it keeps her awake at night.

The Dr said that the reaction she experienced in June was her body’s way of saying it doesn’t like this particular chemo anymore.  The second reaction, in July, was her body saying, “I REALLY don’t like this chemo anymore!”  Continuing to use it could lead to respiratory distress.  “Might be fatal” were actually his words.   

Well, she's heard that before!  

Two years ago, she was given 6 months to live!

So, even though it appears that this is the chemo drug which stopped and even reversed the tumor growth shown in the scans from November 2015, she is now OFF of it for the time being.  Her two oncologists (the one from Wichita and the one from MD Anderson) will consult with each other in the next few days; she expects to hear the results of that consultation on Aug 2.   The Houston oncologist told her in November that this is the last chemo available to her.  But who knows - maybe there’s something else that has become available in the last 7 months.  

From research she has read, there are desensitization protocols for this chemo.  There might also be a protocol for minimizing the progression of the neuropathy in her hands and feet caused by this particular chemo.  It simultaneously seems as though there are many options on the table and zero options on the table. 

As her Uncle Bill would say, God knows….and that’s enough!  

From a human perspective, this news can be devastating. The drug that is keeping her alive is now threatening to kill her. But that statement overlooks one major fact. The ONLY reason she is alive today is because of God. If God has chosen to use a particular drug, that's great. If He has assembled a team of medical professionals and blessed them with wisdom, that's great too. But even if those things are stripped away, she has the only thing she needs for life - she has God. Why has He chosen to preserve her life and not the lives of others, even those with very similar cancer stories? We don't know. Why has He not chosen to heal her completely, instead allowing her to deal with the side effects of cancer and treatments? We don't know. But the "why" questions are not only unhelpful, but also miss the point. God is sovereign. His way is best. His way is perfect. If He were to change at all, it would be a negative change. In His ultimate and perfect wisdom, she is living this exact life...just as in His ultimate and perfect wisdom, you are living your exact life. He has purposes far beyond what we can imagine. Do we trust Him? Do we hope in doctors and chemo drugs? Or do we put our hope in Him?

My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus' blood and righteousness.

I dare not trust the sweetest frame,

but wholly lean on Jesus' name.

On Christ the solid rock I stand

All other ground is sinking sand

All other ground is sinking sand.

Sinking sand - what a powerful description of what happens when we hope anywhere else.

We choose this day to plant our feet...and our minds, and our hearts...firmly on the rock that is Christ.