Tonight I told my daughter to go into the bathroom and put toothpaste on her toothbrush, and that I'd be there in a minute to help her with her teeth. When I arrived in the bathroom, I found her sitting on the counter.
Me: How did you get up there?
E: I climbed!
Me: What did you climb on?
E: The toilet and then onto the counter.
Me: Did you step on the toilet paper holder again?
E: No! I didn't do that. I just put my knee on the counter and got up here.
Me: Do you think that was dangerous? Or not dangerous?
E: Not dangerous. Well, when I was climbing and I was looking up, it did not seem dangerous to me. When I looked down, then it looked dangerous.
While this first struck me as amusing, it was as though God tapped me on the shoulder and showed me the truth in her statement. Was her actual journey any different depending on where she looked? Was the presence of danger different when looking down? No. The situation remained unchanged. The difference was in her perspective - her chosen place to fix her gaze. When she was looking up, everything was fine.
This encounter (on a counter…haha) reminded me of the story in the Bible when Peter started walking on water toward Jesus. As long as Peter's eyes were on Jesus, Peter was walking on water. As soon as Peter's eyes left Jesus and focused on his surroundings (middle of a large body of water during a storm), he began to sink. The water, the storm, Peter's sandals, his natural ability to walk or sink - none of those changed. They weren't the deciding factor. All that mattered is where he placed - and kept - his focus.
You probably know where this is going :)
How well Sandy weathers this storm will depend solely and entirely upon where she fixes her gaze. I'm not saying her healing is dependent on where she focuses, but rather that her peace and joy depend upon it.
A friend sent me a text today with Isaiah 26:3
"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."
It isn't our job to keep ourselves in perfect peace. Our job is to keep our minds steadfastly on God, trusting Him. God promises, then, to keep us in perfect peace. Whenever peace begins to wane, we can look up.
Because, remember, things don't seem so dangerous when we're looking up.
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Friday, October 17, 2014
MD Anderson visit
Plans aren't any fun if they don't change, right? Sandy's plan was to be in Houston at MD Anderson through early next week. However, Wednesday, after meeting with the first (and only) doctor, she found out she just needed to have a few tests run as kind of a baseline marker. The treatment was already determined, seemingly before she even arrived. In some ways, that is a blessing, because the prescribed treatment is nearly the same as what she heard from the KU oncologist, and it's nice when experts agree. In other ways, it was a bit frustrating because she had hoped for several options from which to choose.
Starting early November, Sandy will have one 6-hour day of chemo every two weeks. The reason to wait until early November is so that she is six weeks past her surgery date; certain chemo drugs can interfere with the healing process, and she needs to be at full strength for this next leg of the journey. Treatments will be here in town. At this point, she will travel back to Houston in three months for another round of tests/scans to look for changes. Since none of the earlier scans detected the tumors, the most the scans will reveal is whether the tumors have grown. At Monday's KU appointment, Sandy learned that the KU Tumor Review Board doctors had reviewed slides from scrapings taken in late August here in town, and found there to be cancer cells. That news was both surprising and not surprising - finally there's a confirmation of the presence of cancer, yet questions remain why it was not determined the first time the slides were reviewed. It seems that pathology is not necessarily a black and white science.
The best way to tell if treatment is working is by how Sandy feels. So far she hasn't had a great appetite, and she's still fairly fatigued. We keep reminding her that the nearly foot-long scar on her torso points to why she's not at 100% yet! She had a major surgery, and recovery takes time.
Medically speaking, there is not a cure for bile duct cancer. Medically speaking, the best scenario is for the continual chemo to hold the cancer at bay, keeping it from spreading anywhere else or blocking the open duct. Medically speaking, the outlook is not so great.
Boy are we glad we are not limited to what medicine has to offer! There have been many numbers thrown around the past few weeks, many statistics about this type of cancer. But there are numerous factors that affect patient outcomes, and even more than that, we serve a really big God.
Both the KU doctor and the MDA doctor agree that Sandy ought to feel well enough to continue working while receiving treatment.
I'm calling this journey a blessing in disguise. God promises it will work for our good, but right now that "good" is so well disguised that the blessing part is nearly unrecognizable. That doesn't change the fact of the blessing, however. We'll just keep looking.
Starting early November, Sandy will have one 6-hour day of chemo every two weeks. The reason to wait until early November is so that she is six weeks past her surgery date; certain chemo drugs can interfere with the healing process, and she needs to be at full strength for this next leg of the journey. Treatments will be here in town. At this point, she will travel back to Houston in three months for another round of tests/scans to look for changes. Since none of the earlier scans detected the tumors, the most the scans will reveal is whether the tumors have grown. At Monday's KU appointment, Sandy learned that the KU Tumor Review Board doctors had reviewed slides from scrapings taken in late August here in town, and found there to be cancer cells. That news was both surprising and not surprising - finally there's a confirmation of the presence of cancer, yet questions remain why it was not determined the first time the slides were reviewed. It seems that pathology is not necessarily a black and white science.
The best way to tell if treatment is working is by how Sandy feels. So far she hasn't had a great appetite, and she's still fairly fatigued. We keep reminding her that the nearly foot-long scar on her torso points to why she's not at 100% yet! She had a major surgery, and recovery takes time.
Medically speaking, there is not a cure for bile duct cancer. Medically speaking, the best scenario is for the continual chemo to hold the cancer at bay, keeping it from spreading anywhere else or blocking the open duct. Medically speaking, the outlook is not so great.
Boy are we glad we are not limited to what medicine has to offer! There have been many numbers thrown around the past few weeks, many statistics about this type of cancer. But there are numerous factors that affect patient outcomes, and even more than that, we serve a really big God.
Both the KU doctor and the MDA doctor agree that Sandy ought to feel well enough to continue working while receiving treatment.
I'm calling this journey a blessing in disguise. God promises it will work for our good, but right now that "good" is so well disguised that the blessing part is nearly unrecognizable. That doesn't change the fact of the blessing, however. We'll just keep looking.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Road Trip!
Tomorrow (Thursday) Sandy has a follow up appointment with the surgeon in Kansas City. Next Monday she will return to Kansas City for an appointment with an oncologist. And next Wednesday (15th) she and Rod will travel to MD Anderson in Texas. They will be in Texas at least through Monday, October 20. She is thankful for the opportunity to have her case examined by a team of experts, who will all work together to formulate the best possible plan.
If you know of fun activities to do in Houston, please let Sandy know via text, email, or comment on this post. They will have several days of "down time" - and neither of them are accustomed to that!!
Today was a pretty good day, though Sandy was tired - due primarily to being up since 4am. One of her favorite parts of today was sharing a piece of homemade poppyseed cake (made with homegrown and freshly ground poppyseed!) with a friend who stopped by. The most disappointing thing about today for her was losing all three rounds of the card game Phase 10. Those grandkids are ruthless!
:)
Please pray for miraculous healing, wisdom for everyone involved, safe travels to KC (twice) and TX, peace, and fun memories. Thank you for being such a consistent support during this season.
If you know of fun activities to do in Houston, please let Sandy know via text, email, or comment on this post. They will have several days of "down time" - and neither of them are accustomed to that!!
Today was a pretty good day, though Sandy was tired - due primarily to being up since 4am. One of her favorite parts of today was sharing a piece of homemade poppyseed cake (made with homegrown and freshly ground poppyseed!) with a friend who stopped by. The most disappointing thing about today for her was losing all three rounds of the card game Phase 10. Those grandkids are ruthless!
:)
Please pray for miraculous healing, wisdom for everyone involved, safe travels to KC (twice) and TX, peace, and fun memories. Thank you for being such a consistent support during this season.
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Pretty good day
Today was a pretty good day! Sandy felt well enough to attend the funeral of a friend from church this morning, clean out her freezer this afternoon, and bake a cake this evening! She had to take breaks, and she is tired, but we are thankful for the many ways her days look like they did several months ago. I convinced her to let me take a picture of her before she changed clothes after the funeral - she's looking great :)
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Rocks and Sunrises
Sandy visited the nice employees at Wesley's ER again on Thursday morning. Some IV pain medication relieved her intense abdominal pressure, and she returned home. At an appointment with a Wichita oncologist Friday morning, she learned that the pressure is a result of the tumors, and will likely return from time to time. Now that she knows the cause, she can take medicine at the onset of symptoms. Her incision is healing nicely; it is much less warm, less red, and less swollen. She is somewhat surprised by her lack of stamina, though we keep reminding her that her body has been through quite an ordeal these past few months, not to mention the emotional roller coaster that doesn't seem to have an exit. Appointments next week in Kansas City are still on the calendar; Sandy is eager to have a plan in place.
It sure feels like this all came out of the blue, out of nowhere. But it's like driving on a winding mountain road, going around a string of bends, and suddenly seeing a huge rock in the middle of the road. The rock had been there for some time, but it was only now that you saw it. Even if the rock just now tumbled down from the top of the mountain, onto your stretch of road, it wasn't out of nowhere - the rock had been part of the overall scene long before you took notice of it. Or it's like walking through an unfamiliar house at night, turning on one light at a time as you enter each room. The furniture in each room was there when you first entered the house, but it was not until the light came on that you saw it. This cancer diagnosis has been part of Sandy's life story since God wrote her story many years ago. It is only now that the time has come to walk this section of the journey. We can walk it in despair, or we can walk it in confidence, trusting the author. We are promised a good ending…and we are promised God will gently encourage us if our definition of "good" needs some adjusting!
We often say we wish we knew what was going to happen in the future, or we wish we knew for what purpose something was happening - what is the bigger picture? But do we really want to know? I think what we're actually saying is that we want to know the good things that will happen, the things that bring peace and joy and happiness, the things that make the world seem right again. However, in March, if we had known that Sandy would be diagnosed with cancer in September, would it not have been exceedingly difficult to enjoy these past few months? Wouldn't we have begun a mourning process, not knowing what would follow the diagnosis? We would have lost out on many great memories, or at best, experienced them with bittersweet emotions. Similarly, while in some ways we'd like to know what the future holds from this point on, how would it help? If it is not what we want, we'd be sad or angry (or both) starting now! If it IS what we want, we might wonder why any further pain is needed when healing is the outcome - not to mention we would have much less reason to lean into God and His promises.
I know what will happen in the future. Are you ready for this? :) Sandy will continue choosing joy, holding tightly to hope, sharing her contagious optimism with others, and living her life to glorify God.
We can focus on the rock in the middle of the road, or we can look around and notice the beautiful scenery. We can continue driving around the twisting roads in fear of the next big rock, or we can drive in anticipation of the next amazing sunrise. The journey is not in our control, but how we experience the journey is up to us.
By the way, I vote for the sunrise.
It sure feels like this all came out of the blue, out of nowhere. But it's like driving on a winding mountain road, going around a string of bends, and suddenly seeing a huge rock in the middle of the road. The rock had been there for some time, but it was only now that you saw it. Even if the rock just now tumbled down from the top of the mountain, onto your stretch of road, it wasn't out of nowhere - the rock had been part of the overall scene long before you took notice of it. Or it's like walking through an unfamiliar house at night, turning on one light at a time as you enter each room. The furniture in each room was there when you first entered the house, but it was not until the light came on that you saw it. This cancer diagnosis has been part of Sandy's life story since God wrote her story many years ago. It is only now that the time has come to walk this section of the journey. We can walk it in despair, or we can walk it in confidence, trusting the author. We are promised a good ending…and we are promised God will gently encourage us if our definition of "good" needs some adjusting!
We often say we wish we knew what was going to happen in the future, or we wish we knew for what purpose something was happening - what is the bigger picture? But do we really want to know? I think what we're actually saying is that we want to know the good things that will happen, the things that bring peace and joy and happiness, the things that make the world seem right again. However, in March, if we had known that Sandy would be diagnosed with cancer in September, would it not have been exceedingly difficult to enjoy these past few months? Wouldn't we have begun a mourning process, not knowing what would follow the diagnosis? We would have lost out on many great memories, or at best, experienced them with bittersweet emotions. Similarly, while in some ways we'd like to know what the future holds from this point on, how would it help? If it is not what we want, we'd be sad or angry (or both) starting now! If it IS what we want, we might wonder why any further pain is needed when healing is the outcome - not to mention we would have much less reason to lean into God and His promises.
I know what will happen in the future. Are you ready for this? :) Sandy will continue choosing joy, holding tightly to hope, sharing her contagious optimism with others, and living her life to glorify God.
We can focus on the rock in the middle of the road, or we can look around and notice the beautiful scenery. We can continue driving around the twisting roads in fear of the next big rock, or we can drive in anticipation of the next amazing sunrise. The journey is not in our control, but how we experience the journey is up to us.
By the way, I vote for the sunrise.
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Results of Tumor Board Meeting
Yesterday the Tumor Board discussed Sandy's case. They decided that she needs to be treated as having bile duct cancer, even though all pathology reports have come back negative for cancer. Based on what the surgeon saw and felt during the Kansas City surgery, they feel that it is cancer. There is not yet a "next step," though we imagine there will be options presented to Sandy at her October 13 appointment with a KU oncologist.
Please continue praying for healing - may the tumors simply disappear! Also pray for wisdom for the doctors and a clear direction to go from this point on.
A friend reminded me today that while it is easy to become enmeshed in medical terminology, diagnoses, treatments, and statistics, our hope is only to be in the Lord. So we pray that He directs the minds of the doctors, opens and shuts doors, and continues to flood us all with peace. Regardless of what tomorrow holds, we want to live today to the fullest. There's no sense in missing out on today's blessings because we fear what is around the corner.
Please continue praying for healing - may the tumors simply disappear! Also pray for wisdom for the doctors and a clear direction to go from this point on.
A friend reminded me today that while it is easy to become enmeshed in medical terminology, diagnoses, treatments, and statistics, our hope is only to be in the Lord. So we pray that He directs the minds of the doctors, opens and shuts doors, and continues to flood us all with peace. Regardless of what tomorrow holds, we want to live today to the fullest. There's no sense in missing out on today's blessings because we fear what is around the corner.
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