Texas Trip Results

Thanks to all of you who have prayed and are continuing to pray. We have felt those prayers for sure.

Here is an update from Rod:

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The tone of the trip to MD Anderson in Houston was set early by the weather and the traffic.  It was cold, dreary, frustrating, and anxiety producing. 

 

The blood tests and CT scan were in a different building this time, probably due to being scheduled on Sunday.  The information on the website was difficult to find, and, in this instance, totally inaccurate.  There are a series of skybridges from the hotel to the main building to another building and onto another building.  Printing directions late Saturday night from an MD Anderson kiosk maintained exclusively for the purpose of directing patients to the proper building for their various appointment proved to be quite exasperating!  The directions told us to proceed through the Mendelsohn Faculty Center to the skybridge and to walk about 1500 feet through the skybridge to the final destination known as the Mays Clinic.  With an 8:00 a.m. appointment to draw blood, we were on our way through the hotel to the faculty center early Sunday morning – only to find that the doors to the faculty center were locked!

 

Retreat to the hotel and to Plan B.  Take the car to the Mays Clinic and park in the underground parking garage as the website indicated.  WRONG.  The underground garage is closed on Sunday.  Nary a word to that effect was found anywhere on the MD Anderson website.  So, drive around the building hunting for another place to park.  At one point, we drove through an area which provided valet parking.  The website indicates that valet parking is $15.00 per day so that was not on the radar.  Sandy was dropped off on the south side of the building without any idea whether the doors would open to the building or not.  Parking was finally obtained in a public parking garage across the street from the Mays Clinic.  Now, there are several long outside stairways to the building, but each one has a sign stating that they are not an entrance!  The entrance happened to be the place where Sandy was let out of the car.  Four hours of public parking resulted in a charge of $12.00!  As if the charges for the tests and appointment are not already unbelievably high ...!!

 

When a security officer was asked where the patients were supposed to park since the skybridge was closed and the underground garage was closed, he responded that the valet parking was available – and was FREE!  Absolutely nothing was found which told the patients with Sunday appointments that valet parking was free at the building housing the Mays Clinic.  So, the day started as one giant frustration.  None of the information which accompanied the appointment schedule contained any of that information either.

 

The blood was drawn close to the appointment time and the CT procedure also began close to the appointment time.  Last January, when the technician was informed that Sandy had a power portacath which could be accessed for the blood draw, she was directed to a different department on a different floor to wait for someone to schedule an xray to confirm the presence and location of the portacath!  We were told that the information would be part of the medical records at MD Anderson and that the technicians would be able to access the port to take blood thereafter.  Well, when the CT tech was informed that there was a port for the IV rather than trying to find a vein, the questioning began.  Had it been done before?  “I’m not trained to do that.”  “I can’t find anything in the file.”  Finally, after a significant delay, another individual asked all of the same questions and made many of the same comments before actually finding the information in the medical file.  FINALLY, the port was used and the CT taken without further incident.

 

Back to the hotel to twiddle away the next 24 hours waiting for the oncology appointment at 1:30 p.m. on Monday – the same appointment which had originally been scheduled for 9:30 a.m., then re-scheduled for 11:30 a.m. and then finally re-scheduled for 1:30.  Surprisingly, the appointment actually occurred about on time, rather than the usual two hour delay!

 

The news was not what Sandy wanted to hear.  Rather than being told that the growth had stopped and that she could have several weeks or months of a chemo free holiday to allow the body to recuperate, we were told that the growth had increased to some degree, and that there appeared to be several nodules in the abdomen which had not appeared on the scan before.  Whether the nodules were due to cancer or some other reason was unknown.

 

Because the current chemotherapy did not appear to be stopping the growth of the tissue, a new treatment regimen was prescribed, substituting one chemo drug for another one.  In some ways, the new drug is kinder to the body, while in other ways, the possible side effects are considerable.  The treatment process will be the same:  every two weeks an injection followed by the pump for 46 hours after the injection.  We don’t know how long it will take for the approval from the insurance company to begin the new drug treatment.

 

In addition, the scan showed a clot in a portion of the portal vein.  To combat the clot, Sandy now self injects a syringe of blood thinner once a day.

 

The oncologist recommended that the external drain be capped as long as it could be determined that the internal catheter was in place and operating to drain the bile and other material being created by the left lobe of the liver.  The doctor thought that the internal drain would be less likely to cause fatigue and more likely to promote general health.  The procedure to evaluate the catheter and to cap the drain will be done in Wichita.

 

Another appointment will be scheduled at MD Anderson in three to four months to repeat all of the tests and scan to further assess the situation.

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I had considered omitting the part about all of the frustrations, but decided to leave it in because we are just normal people dealing with normal life, and stuff just happens. We're glad God is using Sandy's story to encourage others, but it has little to do with our own merit

I think Sandy had been plodding through the past few months, trying to ignore not feeling well, trying to remain positive, almost convincing herself that the TX trip would have good news. It's easier to deal with challenging circumstances when you see light at the end of the tunnel. When that light turns out to have been a mirage, discouragement can quickly set in.

While it may seem right now that hope and joy and thankfulness have taken a vacation somewhere else, in reality, they are just covered up temporarily by frustration and discouragement. Sandy still knows the truth, and she still knows the Truth-giver. She still has the joy of the Lord as her strength, though it might not be as visible at times. She still has an enduring hope that reminds her that she is ultimately victorious. The sadness is a surface feeling, though it feels very strong. Joy, hope, and thankfulness are part of her core being - they are a permanent deposit of the Holy Spirit, who will never leave her.

We don't know what the next section of this journey will look like - nor do we know what it would have looked like had the test results been positive!  Do we trust God? If so, we can continue praising Him, continue looking for the good that is inherent in every day, and continue CHOOSING to focus on His faithfulness, asking for wisdom to walk each day in a way that honors Him and points others to Him.

We'll keep you updated. Thanks again.

Home Again!

Sandy came home this afternoon!

We have many questions at this point, some of which may be answered during the upcoming trip to MD Anderson. How long will she have the drain? Will they stent the left side now in addition to the already stented right side? Is this new development surprising - or was it expected? Why was the blocked duct dilated? Is that a good sign? The list goes on and on.

However, we are thankful she is back home, and optimistic that she will feel MUCH better very soon. It's been a long several weeks of her feeling not so great.

If we don't have another update before the TX trip, this is our opportunity to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving!

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
"Be joyful always. Pray continually. Give thanks in all circumstances. For this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Drain is in place

Sandy had prepared herself to wait until midnight for the drain placement procedure, as she was 10th in line for the radiology department. When the nurse came in at 5:30pm to take her to the procedure, she was almost giddy. I bet she's the first person taken down to radiology for this procedure who has ever said "I'm SO GLAD to be here right now!!" She just really wants to get out of there and go home! Now if that fever would just cooperate….
Everything went well. They were able to insert a pigtail catheter through the mass (the one that's been there since last year…the one we're praying just disappears) and drain the blocked bile duct. An outside drain was also put into place. I visited her tonight, and while she did not complain, it's apparent that she is not currently a fan of the long tube going from her abdomen down to her ankle, where a bag collects the fluid drained from the bile duct. We're not sure how long the drain will be her new closest friend.

We didn't talk about when they think she can go home, nor did we talk about the disappointment regarding missed events. Instead, we took her some freshly made cranberry salad, gooey cinnamon rolls still warm from the oven, and some dark chocolate treats.

Tonight I watched a short video describing the difference between empathy and sympathy. It said that empathy joins the hurting person, is vulnerable enough to relate to the pain at least on some level, and focuses on connection rather than on formulating the "right" response. Empathy, according to this researcher (Brene Brown), rarely says "at least…" Some examples: You have cancer? At least you still have some hair. You are missing a family gathering? At least you have family you enjoy being around.

Thank you for being a community - a family - that values connection and shows empathy. And thank you for being here for the long haul.

New developments...

We appreciate continued prayers for wisdom for the doctors - it is apparent that the doctors have, indeed, been thinking outside of the box and following their intuition, which we know can certainly be influenced by the Lord! Also please pray for encouragement for Sandy, as she had to miss Katie's baby shower this morning and is most likely going to miss a once-a-year extended family gathering tomorrow.

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Here is some info from Rod regarding Sandy's past few days:

While undergoing routine blood testing on the off week for chemo on Thursday, her temperature began climbing, as it has for several days, generally in the afternoons and evenings.  Dr. Moore decided to bypass the ER and send her directly to Admissions at St. Francis.  She was admitted and sent to a room on the 7th Floor.  Good luck finding the room as various elevators are closed due to some remodeling in the hospital. 

Because of the notation in the CT scan on Tuesday that the duct system in the left lobe of the liver was dilated, it was suspected that the lobe was still producing bile rather than withering because of the blocked left bile duct and that some infection had taken up residence in the left lobe.  Yesterday afternoon late, a radiologist inserted a needle into the top of the left lobe of the liver to drain the suspected fluid accumulation and to determine whether or not the fluid contained an infection.  The result was that the fluid was indeed harboring an infection, which probably accounted for the fever and the pain in the right side with deep breaths.  The pain stopped upon the completion of the fluid withdrawal.

Although it was initially decided that she would be dismissed from the hospital today and return on Tuesday to have a percutaneous drain placed into the left lobe of the liver, her fever began climbing again this morning, along with high pulse rate.  The decision was made to keep her in the hospital and to have the radiologist insert the percutaneous drain sometime late Saturday.  The exact procedure to be performed may depend on whether the drain can be inserted through the left bile duct or only into the left lobe.

Labs and scan today

Sandy still does not feel well. Today she will get some lab work and likely a CT scan, looking for some answers and how to help her feel better. Please pray for her comfort, stamina, peace of mind, and for the doctors to have wisdom. Also for everything to happen quickly so she can return home and rest.

On a brighter note, this weekend she made some of the best poppyseed rolls! They are a staple of family reunions on her side, and she's tried to recreate them the way her aunt Mary used to make them. It has been quite a journey, experimenting with the dough, baking time, amount of filling, etc - but now she has it down! There will be some happy extended family members at Thanksgiving dinner! As for my dad…he still thinks it's stinky mud that ruins perfectly good dough.  :)

New picture!

Hi everyone :)

Sandy had another scheduled stent replacement last week. It went well, though she doesn't feel back to normal yet. For whatever reason, this recovery has been more difficult. It hasn't stopped her from most of her usual activities, including teaching, choir practice, and Sunday lunch with the grandkids. Please pray for renewed energy and feeling "right" very soon.

At the end of the month, Sandy returns to Texas to meet with the team of doctors who should have reviewed the last set of scans and will determine the best plan from this point.

We took some pictures a few weeks ago, as we've done annually for many years now. Enjoy!

Good scans

Sandy's scans a few weeks ago were pretty good. She's a bit unclear about the size of the tumor; one doctor said it can't be really measured because of its size and location. Regardless, we take it as good news. The doctor at MD Anderson should be reviewing the scans as well and making the decision about where to go from here. Sandy anticipates continuing with chemo every two weeks until her November appointment in TX. Perhaps then she will be given either a reduced chemo load or a "chemo vacation."

Sandy was recently reminded of the Mother Goose rhyme about a little girl:
There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
And when she was good,
She was very, very good,
But when she was bad,
She was horrid!

That pretty much describes Sandy's health! Really good days, and then a bout with sepsis. Then back to work and more good days. It's a great reminder to be thankful for right now, this very minute, since we don't know what the next minute will hold. With God in the equation, every minute has something for which to be thankful. Let's not miss out - "right now" holds a blessing we can't turn back time to claim!

A Quieter Week?

This week is off to a much quieter start than last week! Sandy was released from the hospital last Thursday evening, taught classes Friday, kind of maybe a little bit rested this weekend, and is back in full swing today. We are so thankful that her body has bounced back so well. She had the opportunity to thank the nurses at the doctor's office who took care of her last week when she quickly went downhill, right before being sent to the hospital. It's not a fun feeling to realize there are a few hours of a day you don't remember…but thankfully that part did not last long.

She is adjusting to the antibiotic that is fighting the blood infection that landed her in the hospital. Her fever has stayed down since this weekend.

Thanks for your continued prayers, cards, and words of encouragement.

Stent Exchange

Sandy will receive a brand new stent tomorrow (Wednesday)! If only that were more exciting…!  She will remain in the hospital until the new stent is in place and her fever can stay down; it spiked again today, though not nearly as high as yesterday. We're hoping the doctors are right about the existing stent being the culprit. While disappointed to miss tonight's class, and to be out of commission tomorrow, she is thankful for a great medical team of doctors who genuinely care about her on a personal level.

Here's a song that helps me breathe more deeply, remembering Who is in control of everything, even when everything seems overwhelming.


"It Is Well"

Grander earth has quaked before
Moved by the sound of His voice
Seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
It is well with me

Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can't see

And this mountain that's in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well

So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name [repeat last line during 3rd run]

New Prayer Request

It has been two months since the last blog update - that is great news! Sandy has a note partly written that she wants to post soon, but with all of the activity of the summer, it has not yet been finished. She taught a class this summer and is currently gearing up for the start of the fall semester.

She was pretty tired the end of last week, and today we might know why - she spiked a fever this morning and has continued to feel worse throughout the day. Right now she is at St Francis to receive some antibiotics and whatever else the blood work deems necessary. Please pray for healing, comfort, and peace for Sandy, and wisdom for the doctors and nurses. It is very important to Sandy that she can be at work this week, so I know she'd appreciate your prayers that this hospital visit be very short.

I'll keep you updated as things progress. Thanks!

Weaknesses are a blessing…?

Sandy's appetite has remained at a good level. She has kept a rather full social calendar this month, which is kind of a vacation month, as she didn't teach any classes in June. There has still been plenty of work to do at school, but she has had some much enjoyed flexibility. Please pray for stamina and a clear mind as she teaches a class in July.

She is scheduled for a stent exchange this Thursday; please pray that everything goes smoothly.

In the summer Bible Study I'm doing right now by Priscilla Shirer, we are studying Gideon. He was known, by himself and by others, as a weak and timid man. Yet God saw in Him a mighty warrior, and used Gideon to do the humanly impossible - take an army of 300 and defeat an enemy army of 135,000. We learned that our weaknesses are the keys to unlocking God's strength - this is how weaknesses are blessings, because when we can not do something on our own, God has space to step in and receive glory. He can be prominently displayed to others in our lives BECAUSE OF our weaknesses, yet we often try to hide the weaknesses for fear that they will hinder God's work in our lives and in the lives of those around us. Rather than despising our weaknesses, we can lean into them and look for God's strength. Like Gideon, we need to walk into God-ordained battles even though we don't feel equipped, and even if the enemy is clearly more powerful.

A problem plus my weakness equals failure, but that same problem plus God's strength equals success. On her own, Sandy cannot make anything good come from having cancer. But through God's faithful strength, we are seeing evidence of God working all around her.

Gideon wanted to have as many men as possible on his side to fight the enemy. Doesn't that make sense? Yet God had a different goal. Besides wanting to defeat the enemy, God wanted everyone to be reminded of His presence, His power, and His provision. Our goals may be different than God's goals. But if He calls us to something, we must follow His lead. Perhaps He is taking us through a low spot because that is ultimately the way to a high point.

One more thing that has stood out to me in this week's study is that God's Spirit came upon Gideon before the battle. The author compared this to putting on clothes - God's Spirit put on Gideon as clothing. I've heard, many times, that we are to put on the Spirit of God. And that is a neat word picture. We can picture ourselves putting on God's armor or putting on the fruit of the Spirit. But this idea of God putting US on was new to me. It takes me out of the driver's seat and acknowledges that God is the one calling the shots. He has work to do, and He chooses to do some of it through me. I'm just the physical body that houses God's Spirit. I just go where He leads and say what He says, and let my hands and feet do what He wants to do. So, God has "put on" Sandy, in the midst of this physical weakness, and is purposely arranging her every step to do the work He has decided to do.

Yippee!

Rod and Sandy returned home from MDA late Wednesday night. Thankfully, they avoided the flooding in Texas and "only" had to deal with Dallas traffic.

Tuesday's test results were very good. The cancer marker from the blood test was normal! The scan showed that the tumor, while still there, was darker, which usually indicates that the cancer cells are dying from inside the tumor. The doctor said that is a sign that the chemo is working. The hundreds of you who have been praying may have another theory ;)

The stent is in the right place, though it is showing preliminary signs of blockage. They'll keep an eye on her labs the next several weeks. While she's not eager for another stent replacement, it is a much preferred option over a blockage.

Her bilirubin level has been surprisingly good lately. We hope that continues.

She was successful in convincing the doctor to allow her to wait six months before returning to MDA. In three months, she'll have scans done here in town. If the positive changes continue over the next six months, she will go on a maintenance plan, which may include decreasing dosage, type, and/or frequency of chemo.

We are so thankful! And perhaps even giddy! Let's thank God for these results with the same earnestness with which we have prayed for healing. And let's remember that He is good, period, not good because of these answered prayers.

One more praise - Sandy's appetite has improved!

Thanks for your continued support.

In Sandy's words, "I think God wants me around a little while longer!"

Gray clouds and rays of light

Sandy had a routine stent replacement last week, and heads to MD Anderson at the end of the month for the next set of scans. She is finishing out the semester with a few more final exams, ever thankful she has been able to continue teaching.

God promises to bring good out of all things. We reference that verse (Romans 8:28) often, especially when we desire to bring comfort to others who are in difficult circumstances. As with many other verses though, we have a tendency to assume we understand how God will fulfill His promises. God promises to work things out for our good, but He does not specify a time. Nor does He indicate whether or not we will personally see the good that will come from a specific situation.

Sandy has expressed how grateful she is that God has allowed her to see some of the good He is bringing out of this cancer diagnosis. She has heard from countless former students, all of whom have shared how influential she was in their lives. Friends who lost touch have reconnected. Other friends and family have become more intentional about investing in relationships. People who previously had zero interest in any discussions about faith are more open to hearing what sustains Sandy during difficult times. The list goes on and on.

It is so important to remember each of these evidences of God's promise fulfilled. Throughout the Bible, He tells us to remember. Why? Because He knows how easily we forget - how quickly we become unable to see past what is directly in front of us.

Last week as the kids and I were playing outside, the sky suddenly grew significantly darker than usual. I looked up and saw blue skies - no storm clouds were in sight. Turning around and looking up, I saw a medium-sized gray cloud directly in front of the sun. Most of the sun's rays were blocked from reaching our little part of the world. But as I looked closer, I could see rays reaching out from behind that cloud, stretching past the darkness and into the blue sky. If my eyes followed the rays, I would see blue skies. If I focused on the cloud, all I saw was gray. This only lasted a minute; the cloud slowly moved past the sun. Almost as suddenly as the skies grew dark, they again were fully illuminated.

It was such a cool moment, because the parallel was crystal clear. Sometimes in life we have a dark cloud that all but covers the sun. Sometimes, out of the blue, the light suddenly disappears and we are in darkness. But if we choose to look for the rays of light, we will find them. There will be good that comes, and there will always be things that are good - even if they aren't the things for which we hope.

In time, the cloud will pass. The moments in the dark cannot be replaced or recovered, though they can be redeemed. God is working even in the darkness, and He will bring good from it. So let's choose to remember the times He allows us to see His promises fulfilled - write them down and read them periodically. Share them with others. They may be just what you need to get through times of darkness, when all you can see is the dark cloud covering the sun. Remembering what God has done can shore up our faith when doubt creeps in. Gray clouds don't take the place of the sun - the rays are still shining even if we don't see them.

Nothing new

It's been a few weeks since the last update, but, medically, there's really nothing new to report! And that is probably good. We enjoyed a fun Easter together with family and a few friends. There is much to be thankful for.

Scan results

Quick update - the latest scans show that everything is stable. We take that as good news. The doctors will continue looking at lab work each week to monitor everything. Please pray that chemo is effective and without side effects. There's a chance she'll need to have the stent replaced sooner than expected, but we will see. Happy Wednesday!

Home!

Sandy was able to go home Sunday evening. Thanks for the prayers!

End of Spring Break Update

Sandy had a full spring break week. She made cinnamon rolls with a friend, visited several people, hosted a dinner for cousins, and played with grandkids. And then she came down with a fever. After some lab work came back, her doctor prescribed an antibiotic. Unfortunately, it did not take care of the fever. On Friday, she received a few hours of fluids, and on Saturday she was admitted to St Francis. They anticipate a stay of a couple days as they figure out what is going on and how to fight the infection. Sandy is, understandably, discouraged, because she has better things to do than lay in a hospital bed feeling crummy! She has had several visitors, and continues to be encouraged by the love she is shown. Hopefully she will be home soon.

This week we anticipate receiving the results of her latest scan. I'll post once we have that information.

Thanks for the continued prayers for healing and peace.

Many times we have a plan for our lives - a logical plan that includes the fulfillment of hopes and dreams. We have ideas about relationships, careers, finances, ministry, retirement, and health. Frequently, however, life doesn't end up as we had planned. We talk about moving on to Plan B. Or Plan C. Or Plan ZZZ…! We might be disillusioned, frustrated, or even bitter or angry. Yet I don't think God has a Plan B for our lives, or anything other than The Plan - Plan A.

Before sin entered the world, there was a perfect plan that included perfect health, pleasurable work, and fulfilling relationships. Because sin is all around us, we cannot have the ideal life our heart longs for - at least not on earth. Don't misunderstand me - I am in no way implying that disease or loss is the result of an individual's personal sin. There are instances that include a clear cause and effect, but much of the time there is not a direct link between our actions and our trials.

God knew each event that would occur in Sandy's life. This is not His Plan B. We may not understand how it could be His best for her, but we trust His wisdom and his love. We have already seen positive things come from this journey, which is yet another proof of His faithfulness. Imagine how life might be different if we approached each day believing that the day contained God's best for us - GOD'S best, not our human idea of what is best. Just as a parent lovingly gives a child medicine or says no to one thing in order to provide something better (despite kicking and screaming by the child), God lovingly gives us what is best, regardless of how much (little?) we understand, approve of, or enjoy His plan.

Walking through a storm when you know you're loved by the one who tells the wind and rain what to do makes the storm bearable. It even enables you to see glimmers of a rainbow in the distance. Do you trust Him?

Puddles and presents

Sandy will have a new stent put in during the second week of March, about the same time that a new set of scans will be taken. This new chemo drug is a bit less friendly than the last one; we hope that means it is doing its job exceedingly well.  Please pray for healing, a strong immune system, quality rest, a healthy appetite, and no fevers.

And in case you were curious…her birthday is March 5 :)

At the Glory Babies meeting at church tonight, God gave me a fresh picture of the idea of choosing thankfulness each day. I've been on this thankfulness journey for several years now, but sometimes it's good to have a new way of looking at things.

Imagine you are at one end of a street, and by the end of the day need to have walked to the other end of the street. Between your current location and your goal are one hundred puddles filled with muddy water. Also between your current location and your goal are one hundred nicely wrapped presents. The puddles and presents are all scattered about randomly, but in such a way that it is impossible to travel down the street without encountering quite a few of each.

On what will you focus? The puddles? Will you look from puddle to puddle, perhaps even tripping over the presents as you try to gingerly step over or around each puddle? Or will you keep your eyes on the presents, eagerly making your way from one to the next, joyfully anticipating what might be inside each one?

Focusing on the presents doesn't make the puddles disappear any more than focusing on the puddles would make the presents disappear. You're likely to slip into a few puddles even if you're focusing on the presents, and you'll likely finish the journey with mud on your clothes. But will you also have gifts in your arms? Or will you have left them unopened?

If I'm going to end up muddy on this journey, I want to have done it with delight, enjoying every good thing possible along the way.  What about you?  If I asked you how many presents you've encountered this week, would you know?  Or would you instead be quick to tell me the long list of puddles that have been in your way?

I think it's time to put on some rain boots and start opening presents.

Misconceptions…one drop at a time

Many people who ask me about mom have a general misconception about her overall health. The kind of funny thing is that there are two extremes to the misconceptions. One group of people think that she must be bedridden, frail, declining rapidly, and overall doing very poorly. The other group of people see her from time to time and are blown away by her appearance, smile, and strength. This second group is shocked that she looks "normal." Now, if you know my dad, you know he'd have a few comments to make about what "normal" is all about… :)

The truth? Both groups are somewhat right and somewhat wrong, all the time. Did that clear it up for you?

You can't ask mom how her day was if you want an easy answer. You'd need to ask how she is right now, or how her night went, or how the morning had been. Things change, sometimes very quickly. She seems prone to fevers that all but knock her out, complete with flu-like symptoms and extreme fatigue. When the fever lifts and she is able to rest some, she looks and sounds great! On her pre-cancer scale of feeling good, from 1-10 with 10 being excellent, perhaps her best days are a 6 (I didn't ask her…this is just my observation) and her worst days are a 2. I doubt she'd claim a 1 since she's always looking for the bright side and is always aware that things could be worse.

I don't know how she feels about this, but sometimes I struggle a bit with responding to people, well-meaning as they are, when they have these misconceptions. If they think she's on death's bed, I instantly want to prove to them that she's doing well and will be here for decades to come. If they think it's amazing how great she's doing, I kind of want to tell them the hard parts of recent days.

But, really, I think I understand the hearts and intentions of everyone who asks, and I'm thankful for their concern, interest, and prayers. They are thankful that she is doing as well as she is, and they are concerned for her. They earnestly want her health to be restored, and desire to have many more opportunities to live life together.

And that's what we want too.

So we continue to turn worry over to God, offer sacrifices of praise regardless of how much good we can see in any given moment, and squeeze every last drop of goodness out of each day. Some days seem to have only a few drops, but from my experience with essential oils, I know that a single drop can be potent, especially when diffused throughout a room!

Let's not miss the drops of goodness in each day. Instead, let's seek to diffuse that goodness throughout the day, allowing God's blessings to permeate our thoughts, attitudes, words, and actions, reaching those with whom we come into contact.

How's mom doing? She's living life, taking the ups and downs in stride, and enjoying the blessings - one drop at a time.

'Mell the Roses

We had the most gorgeous weather on Monday - pretty unbelievable for January! It was especially appreciated because Monday was Grandpa's funeral. We were blessed and encouraged to see so many people in attendance. The great-grandkids were each given a rose after the graveside service was over. The kids sure looked nice, all dressed up; the roses added a nice touch to some pictures we took as the kids roamed around the cemetery. One of the youngest kids kept walking up to people and asking if they wanted to smell his rose…except he left off the "s" in "smell," so he asked "Do you want to 'mell my rose?" It was cute, and made many people smile or even chuckle. I don't think anyone turned him down on his offer, either.

In the midst of a bittersweet day, as we officially said goodbye to Grandpa, we had the opportunity to 'mell some figurative roses. As I reflected on the day, it was as if God gently whispered that each and every day He has roses for me to 'mell. Am I too busy to notice? Too focused on trials or disappointments to "bother" with 'melling a rose? He doesn't shove a rose in my face, forcing me to 'mell it, but He does offer it to me. Perhaps it is a beautiful sunset (you may prefer beautiful sunrises, but I find it hard to appreciate things at that time of day!), a kind word, a yummy cinnamon roll, the presence of loved ones, new beginnings, or even the realization that since things could be much worse, what we have is a blessing - all around us, every day, there are roses to 'mell.

Sometimes we have to sit still long enough to become aware of the roses being offered to us. It seems that what we focus on will increase - either trials or blessings - but in reality, the frequency doesn't change.  If I choose to focus on the good, I'll begin to notice more and more good that has been there all along. It won't negate the difficult circumstances; it's quite possible to feel both sadness and thankfulness at the same time, possible to see beauty amidst brokenness. 

I'm not ignoring the loss of Grandpa just because I'm telling my kids how he taught me that the human stomach has a special compartment reserved for dessert, so even if you're legitimately too full to finish dinner, you certainly have room for dessert.  And I'm not ignoring the fact that my mom has cancer just because we laugh together and create fun memories and choose to focus on what we have rather than what we don't have. 

You aren't guaranteed tomorrow. It's time to 'mell some roses.

MDA Update, new stent, a few changes, Grandpa

Sandy's trip to Houston for updated scans went pretty well. Her bilirubin was up, and they saw a slight progression of the tumor. (We consider "slight" to be relatively good news - perhaps not what we wanted, but certainly not terrible for a type of cancer considered to be aggressive.) Starting next week, her chemo will use a different drug, and will include a port to administer the drug for 46 hours after the three hours of infusion at the cancer center.

The doctors determined she needed a new stent right away, so this morning she was at Wesley for the replacement. Everything went smoothly - in fact, she was pleased as punch to be released a mere five hours after arriving! Not having to stay overnight makes a world of difference.

While in Houston, Rod received word that his dad was not doing well. Upon arriving back home, Rod right away went to Grandpa's place. Within about an hour, Grandpa died. We are very thankful Rod was able to be there, though it was, of course, difficult.

Life is all about perspective, isn't it? Mom's life right now isn't what she had expected, anticipated, or hoped, but it sure is still full of blessings. She has some struggles physically, at times really big struggles, yet they pale in comparison to much of what she observed in Houston as she watched other patients, many of whom were in wheelchairs and in very poor health. She commented that "there are things worse than death." One thing worse than death is living in fear of death, or living in bitterness because things aren't as we wanted.

Please pray for healing, sufficient energy levels, zero side effects from the new drug, and peace surrounding the death of Rod's dad.

Christmas, New Year, little hospital stay...

Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! We hope you were able to enjoy many blessings this holiday season. We spent time together eating, playing games, and just doing life together.

Sandy continues to have ups and downs, sometimes mere hours apart from each other. She is learning to guard her energy, spending it a little at a time so she can have enough for what is needed.

Many of you have seen the video that our church made. If you have not, or want to see it again, here is the link: https://vimeo.com/115013190

At the church Christmas program, my daughter watched closely as the actors walked through a door that was part of the set. She finally asked me why they didn't just walk around the edge of the set, a few feet away, as that would be easier. It struck me that we're often that way with God. We see what He is doing and we wonder why He is choosing that path rather than the one that seems obviously easier, less painful, and perhaps even more effective. Yet we must trust that God, in His infinite wisdom, HAS chosen the best path, regardless of how it may seem to us. We need to keep walking through that door on the set, willingly playing the role God has assigned to us, trusting that He will bring meaning, value, and purpose out of each of life's circumstances.

Sandy will travel to TX for updated scans/tests/labs in a few weeks. Please pray for safe travels, wise doctors, stamina, peace, and healing.

Last night, due to a lingering fever, fatigue, and general malaise, Sandy's doctor instructed her to go to the hospital for labwork and testing. She was admitted and will be there until at least tomorrow. They are looking into whether she needs a new stent; the preliminary results indicate a possibility of a blocked and infected stent. This is not the way she hoped to spend the end of Christmas break, but we are thankful this was caught before turning into anything worse.